home til saturday afternoon. i've been feeling rather nostalgic lately,
which isn't all that unusual for me. i tend to have more difficulty
than most in coping with changes and stress. at this point, after a year and a half of college, i'm used to
the idea that all of the people i was closest with in high school are
scattered across the country for college, but i can't get past the fact
that many of these friendships have diminshed as a result. as much as i
still feel that several of them are an important part of my life, i
don't think i play quite the same part in any of theirs. i never fully
accepted stony brook as my "new life," whereas it seems that my two
closest friends cemented themselves within their respective schools and
associated friends. and although i've made plenty of new friends at
school, i don't know if i will ever feel about them the way i feel
about my best friends from high school, who are my current best
friends. i don't even know how to form relationships like that. i worry
that i've been replaced in their lives, even though we all spend time
together when we can. i became so accustomed to people who could read
me better than i could understand myself, people who can hear my voice
over the phone and immediately know if something is wrong. i think the
main problem is that i can't understand why they would want to be that
close to me, and why anyone else ever would. i'm worried that i'm fading out of their lives.