home til saturday afternoon. i've been feeling rather nostalgic lately, which isn't all that unusual for me. i tend to have more difficulty than most in coping with changes and stress. at this point, after a year and a half of college, i'm used to the idea that all of the people i was closest with in high school are scattered across the country for college, but i can't get past the fact that many of these friendships have diminshed as a result. as much as i still feel that several of them are an important part of my life, i don't think i play quite the same part in any of theirs. i never fully accepted stony brook as my "new life," whereas it seems that my two closest friends cemented themselves within their respective schools and associated friends. and although i've made plenty of new friends at school, i don't know if i will ever feel about them the way i feel about my best friends from high school, who are my current best friends. i don't even know how to form relationships like that. i worry that i've been replaced in their lives, even though we all spend time together when we can. i became so accustomed to people who could read me better than i could understand myself, people who can hear my voice over the phone and immediately know if something is wrong. i think the main problem is that i can't understand why they would want to be that close to me, and why anyone else ever would. i'm worried that i'm fading out of their lives.