Conglomerate

Like You Love Me

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 04:13:28 -0500

Like You Love Me
© James A Daulton 2008

You
You never felt my pain
You never felt my pain before
I
I always held your heart
I always held your heart for you
Love
Love keeps us alive
Love keeps us breathing and needing

Baby I’m not so good at hiding
Baby I’m not so good at lying
Lover hold me close, hold me dear
When I’m far, and when I’m near
Love me like you love me
Love me like you love me

God
God hasn’t talked to me
God hasn’t talked to me in a while
Life
Life’s been so hard
Life’s been so hard and I’m so young
Hurt
Hurt hits me bad
Hurt hits me hard and long and bad

Baby I’m not so good at hiding
Baby I’m not so good at lying
Lover hold me close, hold me dear
When I’m far, and when I’m near
Love me like you love me
Love me like you love me

Beautiful, this is me crying out
Beautiful, this is what my life’s about
Angel, come rescue me
I’m somewhere I don’t want to be
And you’re the only one, you’re the only one
Who knows the secret to my soul
You’re the only one, you’re the only one
Who knows the secret to my soul

Baby I’m not so good at hiding
Baby I’m not so good at lying
Lover hold me close, hold me dear
When I’m far, and when I’m near
Love me like you love me
Love me like you love me

Angel, come rescue me
I’m somewhere I don’t want to be
And you’re the only one, you’re the only one
Who knows the secret to my soul
You’re the only one, you’re the only one
Who knows the secret to my soul

Love me like you love me
Love me like you love me
Love me like you love me
Love me like you love me

Figured Out

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:48:48 -0500

Figured Out
© James A Daulton 2008

I’s the loneliest letter
Hey, look there, we freeze
I don’t know any better
Hey, look there, we freeze, we freeze
Hey, look there, we freeze, we freeze
Could you be my savior
That’s just what I need
Please pardon my behavior
That’s just what I need, I need
That’s just what I need, I need
You see this all around me
I’m so sorry, I bleed
Everything you can see
I’m so sorry, I bleed, I bleed
I’m so sorry, I bleed, I bleed

So, Hey, you figured me out now
Now, where do we go from here
Sorry, you figured me out now
Now, where do we go from here
I’m so strong, yet so weak
What do they do with people like me
I’m so strong, yet so fucking weak
What do they do with people like me
Don’t go leaving me now
Cause you’re the only one I see

I pray sometimes at night
I get down on my knees
I beg life to end up right
I get down on my knees, my knees
I get down on my knees, my knees
What part of my soul don’t you know
I think you may be the key
Now there’s a hole down below
I think you may be the key, the key
I think you may be the key, the key
My soul screams for your touch
Listen to hearts, oh please
Love never asks us too much
Listen to hearts, oh please, oh please
Listen to hearts oh please, oh please

So, Hey, you figured me out now
Now, where do we go from here
Sorry, you figured me out now
Now, where do we go from here
I’m so strong, yet so weak
What do they do with people like me
I’m so strong, yet so fucking weak
What do they do with people like me
Don’t go leaving me now
Cause you’re the only one I see

This is all I have inside
What else could there be, there be
I never embellished, never lied
What else could there be, there be
What else could there be, there be
True words can shatter fear
In this I believe, I believe
At the end true will be here
In this I believe, I believe
In this I believe, I believe
One last thing to say
Love is what has to be, to be
Remember every day
Love is what has to be, to be
Love is what has to be, to be

So, Hey, you figured me out now
Now, where do we go from here
Sorry, you figured me out now
Now, where do we go from here
I’m so strong, yet so weak
What do they do with people like me
I’m so strong, yet so fucking weak
What do they do with people like me
Don’t go leaving me now
Cause you’re the only one I see

Like Life

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 00:56:11 -0500

Like Life
© James A Daulton 2008

I hope when they make a movie about my life
In it you’re the one who plays my wife
And we have three kids with pretty names
Who are smart and nice and not ugly
I’ve been fucked up since the first grade
Got fat cause Sega’s the only sport I played
Peed my pants in the grade before
Teacher said Help!, I can’t swim
So I got from grades 0 to about 16
And Facebook apps say I wasn’t that mean
And if I went back to high school next year
I still wouldn’t be cool enough, no

[But, hey, they say aspire to
Things that really challenge you
But when everything comes easy
Hard’s a challenge just to find
That makes me sound like a douche bag
Honestly, life tends to just be bad
Close your eyes, shut your mouth
Love the one you love the most
You love the most]

At the age of 20 I have learned a lot
Like hey kids don’t you smoke that pot
Everything you’ve done till now is shit
And everything you do will still be
Nothing means nothing, no nothing at all
The more you make, the more you fall
You try so hard to control your life
And you find out at that you just suck
But don’t feel bad, no one can do that
Take it from me I’ve been skinny and fat
So that makes me a worldly man
Or at least someone with stretch marks

[But, hey, they say aspire to
Things that really challenge you
But when everything comes so easy
Hard’s a challenge just to find
That makes me sound like a douche bag
Honestly, life tends to just be bad
Close your eyes, shut your mouth
Love the one you love the most
You love the most]

If you feel compelled to just create
Chances are you’re probably too late
You know how hard it is to write a song
That doesn’t sound like a remix
My life advice would be just love hard
And I mean really really hard
Like a ten on the diamond scale
And that’s enough to cut you, fool
Just like life, half of this rhymes
And it’s sung in rhythmic time
The other half is all over the place
The other half is more like life

[But, hey, they say aspire to
Things that really challenge you
But when everything comes so easy
Hard’s a challenge just to find
That makes me sound like a douche bag
Honestly, life tends to just be bad
Close your eyes, shut your mouth
Love the one you love the most
You love the most]

God Doesn't Cry

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 23:29:14 -0500

God Doesn’t Cry
©James A Daulton 2008

Tie me up with words
Cut me down with pain
Anything you do
My heart still feels the same
I don’t have no plan
No agenda in my mind
I just love your face
Your presence and your time
If I asked you for a gift
You could laugh at me instead
Just buy yourself a bow
And lay with me in bed
[God doesn’t cry for you
God doesn’t cry for me
God doesn’t want to look
God doesn’t want to see
What we’ve been doing here
What we’ve been doing now
God doesn’t understand
God doesn’t know how]
Don’t ever try to think
That I hate the way you are
I’ve always loved you so
Whether near or far
At times it has been hard
At times I’ve been so sad
We’ll always have those times
But I’ll never call them bad
I will not hurt you back
For that I feel no need
You can heal this wounded heart
Just as fast as you made it bleed
[God doesn’t cry for you
God doesn’t cry for me
God doesn’t want to look
God doesn’t want to see
What we’ve been doing here
What we’ve been doing now
God doesn’t understand
God doesn’t know how]
I’ll tell you how I feel
And you’ll get so much advice
Listen to them once
Then listen to me twice
Life is dark sometimes
Feeling plain fucked up
And we all reach the point
Where we’ve just had enough
I’ll be there for you
I won’t harbor any hate
God made you and I
You know that is our fate
[God doesn’t cry for you
God doesn’t cry for me
God doesn’t want to look
God doesn’t want to see
What we’ve been doing here
What we’ve been doing now
God doesn’t understand
God doesn’t know how]
God doesn’t cry for you
God doesn’t cry for me
God doesn’t cry for you
He doesn’t cry for me

Pity

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 01:47:52 -0500

Pity
©James A Daulton 2008

You cry to the dead man about the pains of your life
You cry to the survivor about the sorrows of strife
You cry to the wound about the danger of the knife
You cry to the lost about your lack of direction
You cry to the blind about your sense of dimension
You cry to the failure about your need for perfection
You cry to the broken heart about the pain you are feeling
You cry to the cheated about your unfair dealings
You cry to the victim about your fear of stealing
You cry to the savior about the manner of his actions
You cry to the depressed about your level of satisfaction
You cry to the incapacitated about your slow reactions
You cry to the one you need about how you are needy
You cry to the bled out about how you are bleeding
You cry to the sure one about their lack of believing
You cry to the poor man about all of your wealth
You cry to the dying man about your health
And they all pity you as much as they do everyone else

and then

Mon, 14 May 2007 22:57:48 -0400

I write these songs and record them. They sound great in the heat of the moment.

then I listen to them later on, and I hate them. I sing in a tone deaf fashion, manufacturing some kind of voice that echos nicely within my own head, yet is painful to listen to.

But that's just one of manny things that is pissing me off a lot now.

Just Poetry

Sat, 05 May 2007 01:44:26 -0400

Just Poetry
©James A Daulton

They call it poety,
just poetry
but what's poetry
but the soul of me
my words are something
swallowed whole with me

I am a leaf
floating on this stream
I don't have full belief
or nothing, something in between
I'm a lost soul
waiting to be saved
The ones who do what they're told
are the ones who behave
but those who don't behave
are the ones who are brave
but those who are brave
may be making a mistake
and I'm just not sure

They call it poety,
just poetry
but what's poetry
but the soul of me
my words are something
swallowed whole with me

No one ever tells you
what you've been put through
condition, position, religion
from the day your born life has a mission
in the land of the free where's the decision
Taught to smile with such precision
these smiles tend to be fake
and everbody knows
but keep quiet for the kids' sake
like the kids don't know?
Like the kids don't know?

They call it poety,
just poetry
but what's poetry
but the soul of me
my words are something
swallowed whole with me

And poetry, just poetry
that's what you call the pure flow of me
if you call it that what do you know of me
nothing
what do you know of the soul of me
nothing
the poetry is just the words
the words are the sounds they heard
These sounds bring tears to their eyes
you say this is absurd?
words of truth could make a grown many cry
underneath the fake is the truth - is that absurd?
is that absurd?

They call it poety,
just poetry
but what's poetry
but the soul of me
my words are something
swallowed whole with me

We have to save the planet
for the kids who will man it
media worries about violence on tv
what about the feelings in me
and them, yeah them
just when, just when
do we actually start to listen to our hearts
stop trying to cut out the heart from our starts
we're humans, not evil, just lethal
live your life how you want to
then your heart will be full
then your heart will be full

They call it poety,
just poetry
but what's poetry
but the soul of me
my words are something
swallowed whole with me

that's what's inside of me
that's my poetry
that's the soul of me
that's my poetry

Imus

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 19:42:30 -0400

“There has been much discussion of the effect language like this has on our young people, particularly young women of color trying to make their way in this society,” CBS President and Chief Executive Officer Leslie Moonves said in announcing the decision. “That consideration has weighed most heavily on our minds as we made our decision.”

-Statement made by Leslie Moonves, President of CBS

This is how a playa
Get and take a little slut to crystals
I be fuckin on they mama
Then I'm going for their sister
Treat them hoes like I'm they father
But you know a nigga outta
Make them hoes remain in check up
Whoop they ass like jerry lawler
Yes we 'posed to dick em dick em
-Three 6 Mafia "Put Cha D In Her Mouth"

Reach Back...[5x]
Like a pimp
Slap the hoe
-Three 6 Mafia "Like a Pimp"

f your having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
-Jay-Z "99 Problems"

And Imus is the one who's destroying the image of young black women...

Movie theaters getting digitized

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 21:50:01 -0400

I was thinking about this, so I googled it, and this is an excerpt from an article. What was I thinking? Why aren't movie theaters digital?? How many times has a projector broken, or you sit at a movie theater and say "wtf - I have better than this at home". Now, with HD formats, HD projectors and 7.1 surround sound should start being implimented in these theaters.

(From http://money.cnn.com/2006/05/19/magazines/fortune/theater_futureof_fortune/index.htm)

Digital improvement

The full optimization of theaters will come, experts say, when the business converts from celluloid to digital. The new format will allow not only for instant and dirt-cheap distribution of films but also for targeted distribution of independent films, distinct versions for unique audiences, subtitles, and dubbing, never mind beamed-in rock concerts or kids' shows.

"Digital is a very big deal," says Dan Fellman, president of domestic distribution at Warner Bros. "It's going to take some time, but it could save our industry billions of dollars."

The only problem: The cost savings that Fellman refers to - print and shipping expenses, which would be unnecessary in a digital world in which a film is simply downloaded - fall to distributors. Yet exhibitors have to shell out for the digital projectors, which cost more than $100,000 per screen.

Wall Street financier Ronald Perelman, for one, who owns the film-equipment company Panavision, is betting the transition to digital will go slowly. In January he bought film-service company Deluxe for $750 million.

"Deluxe can transition to digital services along with the rest of the business," says Perelman. "When that happens, I don't have a clue. Right now it's not even clear what the savings would be if you really drill down."

Seven years ago FORTUNE ran a piece about the movie business going digital: "Both studios and exhibitors say they expect that digital distribution should begin in three to five years and that it will be widespread by next decade's end." In that year, 1999, there were ten digital screens in the U.S.; today there are only 192 (vs. some 38,000 analog screens).

Adoption is going somewhat better with online ticketing, which Redstone says now accounts for up to 8 percent of her theaters' seats. Such ticketing is dominated by two players: Movietickets.com (owned by a group of media companies and theater chains, including National Amusements, Marcus, and AMC) and the larger Fandango (founded by a rival group of theater owners, including Regal and Carmike, and a couple of venture capital firms).

What about a merger between Fandango and Movietickets, so moviegoers have a one-stop shop?

"My guess is that something would happen eventually," says AOL chief Jon Miller. (Movietickets is the back-end processor for AOL's Moviefone.) "[Consumers] would know where to get movie tickets," Miller goes on, "and that would help adoption in online ticketing happen faster."

Redstone says that there have been discussions between the two e-ticketers, but that "cultural" differences remain.

Funny late show parody

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 08:52:36 -0500

This is a video I just found on YouTube. It's a parody of the late shows. It's actually pretty funny, especially the camera use. I went to highschool with Sam Levy, and I'm thinking whoever made it too.

The clock shits hopes

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 01:52:47 -0500

The clock shits hopes as we watch it swallow our dreams.

We fight time. That is our only enemy. Time is what kills, ends, destroyes, takes over. We are waiting to fail, waiting to die. The only reason we will not accomplish what we wish is because of the time constraint placed upon us by the mouth of the clock, devouring our seconds straight from our hearts.

Everyday I have these moments where for a second time freezes in one dimension. Only one though, the other always drones on in its boredom of reality oh fucking manufactured reality. But in my mind, everything freezes. The scene in The Matrix, when he says "no" and the bullets simply stop, encountering massive amounts of friction from Neo's realization of the truth. Sure, in the film the truth stops bullets. The truth. What is the truth but what we believe? I said that at some point. I'm sure the truth is that someone else said it more eloquently at some other point. Ain't that the truth...

The new Justin Timberlake video is horrible. For "What Goes Around, Comes around...". Excellent album, excellent song, horrible video. Typical that some way they find to taint what is good.

The seconds that the clock doesn't eat are held in our hearts like crystals, worth more than life itself. However, they are so slippery, and the saliva of the clock drips onto our fingers. The seconds slip. The seconds shatter as they hit the floor. We cry about it. Our tears hit the floor where the seconds had. We drown what could have been saved. And so it goes. Ain't that the truth...

Imagine life was in a slow motion shot from a film. How much more beautiful everything would be. Movies have shaped my life and my life is a movie. They call it performativity in some books. I call it "ain't that the truth". It's unavoidable - deal with it, ey?

Life is meant to be lived in slow motion, with gusts of wind, and shots of tears and our muscles bulging as our hearts throb and our teeth grit with emotion. We are meant to cry and break and rebuild and wonder, and try.

We all win the Best Actor Oscar. We just always receive the award posthumously.

The world fucks itself. It shits on itself. It doesn't know better. No one knows better. Just some of us know something that is better to begin with. We don't have to know it's better, because it's fucking great to begin with.

And the suiting lyrics:

So don't let the world bring you down
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came and while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old

-Incubus

1st real commercial spot

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 00:44:16 -0500

This is my first real spot on the radio. While I'm only on the last 10 seconds, reading the tag line, it can always go on the resume!

Public Restrooms story

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 00:50:09 -0500

Funny story for you OWs

Today, I was in a semi-public restroom (one of those office use ones with a pin code). I had to do number 2, which I used to avoid doing in public bathrooms at all cost, up until the point where I just didn't have the energy to deal with the "have to go" feeling all day during my ever growing, hectic schedule.

So, I'm in a stall in the bathroom, and I know that there's one other guy in there. He's at a urinal, and I hear him leave. I believe that I am completely alone in the bathroom, and am quite pleased with the privacy. So, in response to this blessing, I let out a series of farts that last for about 30 seconds. Cartoon, SNL style farts that made me chuckle. And then, I suddenly hear someone else in the bathroom laughing! I bent down and saw that there was someone 2 stalls away from me.

Needless to say, I was somewhat embarassed. What ensued afterwards was a shit off. Both of us knew that we were fellow poopers in the war zone of the silent public bathroom. We sat there like ninjas, trying to silently shift our bowels. Everytime I would make an attempt, I'd imagine a huge fart coming out with the effort. This caused me to go into small fits of laughter every 30 seconds or so. Then, my muffled laughter sounded like poop struggle noises, so the other guy would laugh at that too. I think it was becoming an enjoyable experiene for the both of us. Well, maybe not enjoyable, but pretty funny.

Finally, someone came in to pee and I made my move (which, luckily, was discreet). I knew that we were both waiting for the other one to leave. Who wants to wash their hands together after a situation like that? So, I finished up and left the stall, and tried my best to inconspicuosly dart past his so he couldn't spy my identity through that awkward half inch opening. (Note: I want to manufacture that extra piece of plastic that covers that - I think it'd be a profitable business. Why would you want someone to see you shitting, or visca versca.)

And so, I escaped.

I think that perhaps one day my arch nemisis and I will meet again in the battle field of brown and golden water. Until then... he will remember me by my battle cry...

300 = UGGGHHH

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 23:39:17 -0500

Such a cinematique masterpiece is enough to make me cum... (Check out the trailer on Yahoo Movies for far better quality)

Steve Tyler: The Philosopher

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 02:37:46 -0500

Stever Tyler had it right:

There's something wrong with the world today
I don't know what it is
Something's wrong with our eyes
-Livin' on the Edge (Aerosmith)

I find it incredible how people can't truly open their eyes. Ignorance runs rampant through the feeble minds of so many. They see themselves as paladins combatting just that behavior - using both physical and spiritual forces to banish judgement and poor decisions from their lives. However, in reality, they are actually insect queens of this plague, forcing all those around them to become infested with these juxtapositional entities; the image that is the fight for right and the truth that is the poster child for ignorance.

Many people breed elitism. They endorse it in their children, portraying them as being better than everyone else. Then at a certain point, they tell them "okay now, go fit in." It's like telling George W. Bush that there's no churches around, but there's a mosque down the road that should be good enough. It's spending years and thousands of dollars creating a beautiful fish tank, and then adding an exotic predatory fish to make it look pretty. In the cartoon fairy tale Simba stops Nala from eating Pumba. In real life, they would have fought over that scrumptious boar ass. Or, if Elton John was really singing love songs in their heads, perhaps they'd have a more civil Pumba picnic. You can't teach someone one thing and then expect them to turn that off. If you've taught them something that you're not proud of... well fuck you. That's how life is.

Is it ignorant to not call ignorant people on their ignorance? Perhaps there does exist an elite. An elite who woud never utter such a phrase, but who would be known as elite because of this fact. Success and virtuousity are qualities that go far better with modesty than hubris. The Defense would like to submit the case of Maximus Decimus Meridius vs Commodus Aerulius. (Forgive my misuse of attorney babble, and appreciate my cinematic allusion to Gladiator).

I admit I live in a fairytale. Of course, successful people are often the assholes. In fact, I'm well aware that if I am to become successful in a field such as advertising I must have my mask adjusted properly so that the ass cheeks align correctly with my facial cheeks. However, I would hope to use that mask as little as possible.

And so, the question remains. What is it that is wrong with the world's eyes? Tonight I watched United 93 with Jessica. Such a film is truly a testament to Marx's claim that religion is the "opiate of the masses." (I cannot pledge my allegiance to this motto, because Jesus Christ Superstar has music that is just too good. However, my movie-esque love has given me renewed faith in some type of higher power that doesn't want to completely ass fuck me - and us all). In my cultural studies classes we often talk about ideological values. Such is what leads me to my interest of advertising. With society being filled with puppets, it is far too easy to fool them into spending their green paper. It's like when you want a dog to leave you alone, and you throw an imaginary ball far away. If you're good enough, the dog will go sniffing the yard to try to find it.

Are my remarks elitist within themselves? I suppose so. But then again, the anonimity granted to me by this world wide web (and Wildvoice, of course) allow me to speak how I feel in a modest fashion. After all, no one is going to approach me on what I say online. I wouldn't be surprised if one had an entire post consisting of a racist rant and was still director of a college's cultural diversity organization. Even if every member saw such a post, this online world offers you an invisible shield against confrontation. Why is this, I am not sure. Perhaps hostility relies upon adrenaline. It is difficult to remain furious for hours and days. So even if you think I'm being an elitist, you're never going to tell me. (Perhaps such a remark will inspire a user to be gung ho and leave me a comment...)

Someone once said to me we should just kill all the stupid people. It's been tried before. The IQ test sent them to the front lines against the machine guns (basing the thoughts on the presumption that your IQ actually accounts for much of anything...). Hell, God kills people for being stupid and/or horny (See: Noah's Ark aka some annoying index numbers in the Old Bullshitbook...err...I mean Old Testament.) Unfortunately, the stupid people are too busy staying in power and sending a nice mixture of stupid and smart people off to die fighting angry people who die carrying babies made out of bombs. They die for dozens of virgins, we die for one pussy, I mean, Bush.

Just remember this. You're surrounded by idiots, or you are one. Or, the majority of the time, both.

Livin' on the edge, you can't stop yourself from falling...

(Music: A Lonely Dance by James Underberg; courtesy of www.podsafeaudio.com. I put the promo on the end for those curious about it.)

congrats to wildvoice

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 23:18:22 -0500

Congratulations to Wildvoice for having over 1,000 downloads of Studio on www.cnet.com/downloads. This is in only about 2 weeks. Pretty cool!

first day of classes

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 08:33:17 -0500

Today is the first day of Spring classes.

To take 19 credits, or not to take 19 credits - that is the question.

I think I'm going to drop a class. I'll go to the first one to check it out. But I think 6 classes, an internship, and work is overextending myself.

By the way, anyone ever read Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr? What a good book. I'm almost through it. This will make it the first book I've ever actually [completely] read in or for college. I was going to drop this class, but we have to read about 6 fiction books from post 1970s, so I might just read them.

So, take 19 credits now or just take a class over the summer?

Prison

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 13:42:00 -0500

Prison
©James A Daulton

As the lyrics painted his face they left scars
The tracks of the tears his prison bars
What's the point of a mind that repeats
What's the point of these internal defeats
Trapped forever within his cage
Of fear and anger and all sorts of rage
And yet he keeps his icy heart from moving
Does he even know what he's proving?

Straight from the car

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 22:42:00 -0500

First show from my Zen sleek, in my car

Blockbuster online - good?

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 23:31:37 -0500

Hey guys.

I just started my free trial of Blockbuster Online. They got the final nail in the coffin. Now, you can bring your movies to be mailed back into the store, and they will give you a free rental for doing so.

So, it's just a great deal now. The average plants are about $15 to have 3 movies at a time. They ship, you watch, you send back, you get the next movie on your queue list. Pretty interesting system. You're also given a free rental in store once a month (which includes games - a rarity for blockbuster). All in all, there's just no better deal. The cheapest plan is about $6 a month, for 1 movie at a time. That's the price of rentingn a movie almost.

I suggest anyone who spends money on renting checks it out. They've gotten me.

Anyone else use Blockbuster Online or Netflix?? Any comments on it?

Just so you know

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 00:21:48 -0500

I don't respect people based on age or accomplishments. "Respect your elders" is bullshit - most of the biggest assholes I know are people who are decades older than me. Generally, douche bags accomplish more because they're insensitive to people's feelings. Being callous may make for efficiency in numbers, but not in a person.

I'm better than people because I don't have to go out of my way to prove that I am a better person.

I wish I could fly away from these stereotypes and patterns and trends. I'd like to erase all that I don't like and redraw the plans. I build the blueprints and only I can edit. The measurements are not to scale, but they are linear in nature.

Fists find faces for reasons other than anger. They do it for justice or stupidity. But they do it for reason. Maybe those reasons are the purest things are metal brains can come up with these days.

I don't believe in wisdom. There are truths that we all know - it's only after years of having these truths rammed through our retinas and into our brains that we accept them, even if we don't want to. This acceptance is wisdom. Wisdom is morbid and lacks hope.

I sometimes feel like a dark, black cloud that pelts all below it with a hail of words that simply shatter against them. No one drinks rain water anymore - it's all from the tap. These words are dead, but not as dead as the ears that refuse to hear. Not as dead as the minds that refuse to bend. Let the words live like these feelings that are the oceans that supply the rain water through evaporation and other means of natural success.

Adaptation only brings about survival of the fittest when we're eating each other. We are not, although sometimes we'd be better off that way. So, let there be flexible essentialism. We are but prepaid credit cards. We all look the same, but we determine our value.

If you look at life in a certain light all tasks are impossible because failure can never die. If you look at it through another all tasks are simple because success can never die. Good always wins, but evil creates a sequel. Hear, hear college analytical skills - a parallelism between the concept of evil and the capital gains accomplished by a sequel. Money is evil no matter what. If I was rich I wouldn't be saying that. Or would I? Do the rich desire the ways of the poor as the poor desire the wealth of the rich?

At the end of it all it is as though everyone is a shell. A closed door. Crack it open and it has occurred to me no one is truly happy. Therapy is common place. Love makes people happy, children make people happy, accomplishment makes people happy. But all of these things are that which money can't buy.

If it is easier for a camel to go through a needle than a rich man to get into heaven, I wish that I was a camel with a needle the size of the Eiffel tower. But then again, I wish I hadn't taught myself to mask my feelings with words, poems, and a dream of my dreams coming true. But who wants the pain of the nude truths.

Because I'm 19 many do not respect me. They feel I've growing up to do.

I don't want too "grow up" to become a beautiful statue. I'd rather remain an ugly human.

eBay dispute

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 23:28:06 -0500

I ordered Jessica a 512 MB stick of RAM on eBay for Christmas. I gave it to her, I just got back from vacation, and I was going to install it tonight. However, I looked at it more closely, and it's (according to the label) 256 MB.

So, I contact the seller. He starts freaking out, talking about how he thinks I'm committing mail fraud and raving like a lunatic, not accepting any blame for the fault.

Anyway, I'm super pissed about this now. I had to open up a PayPal dispute. What pisses me off about the whole thing is what an asshole the guy is being. He's threatening me for telling him that he made a mistake. "Mail fraud is a felony and can result in 10 years of prison". Crazy asshole...

Checking up before Christmas

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 21:15:18 -0500

Hey guys. Just a quick update before Christmas and Aruba. Later.

Scary Movie

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 20:48:29 -0500

Unleashed

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 20:36:25 -0500

Review of Unleashed.

Werewolf as a major

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 18:18:58 -0500

Hopefully that title got your attention. If anyone has noticed lately, due to a site error, you might have heard CCS 311 shows on my player. Well, the following URL is the link to a project I did for that class, which is basically about Gender and Genre in horror. The site's about Brotherhood of the Wolf. Lots of interesting stuff. So, check it out, and feel free to comment! Thanks!

Brotherhood of the Wolf Project

In Memory of James Kim

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 23:15:13 -0500

I heard the name and I thought I knew it but forgot about it. I saw the picture and I thought I knew the face but I couldn't figure it out.

You've all read about the Oregon family that went missing. The mother and 2 children survived, but the father, James Kim, died while on a search for help.

I finally realized who James Kim was (with the help of the media). James Kim was the senior editor for Digital Audio Players on http://www.cnet.com/. When I finally realized this made me quite sad. It is a whole different situation when you can put a face, voice, and personality to the deceased.

James Kim was my authority for every MP3 player I bought. He seemed like an intelligent, bright man, and was a joy to watch on reviews.

Rest in peaceJames Kim.

the final flab

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 00:47:52 -0500

I find myself quite upset. I have reached another plateau of weight loss. I am not losing fat. I am gaining muscle, which I like. However, I can'nt seem to rid myself of the roll. The annoying fucking roll that clings to the shirts, and when sitting down hangns over slightly. That one.

When I do pushups, I look below me and all of the disgusting fat seems to drape off of my body. If only some kind of laser could come and rung along my abdominal muscles, cleaning them of this excess tissue.

The stress from school hasn't helped matters. I'm not eating badly, but I've less energy so I'm not doing as much cardio as I'd like to. I'm not sleeping as much b/c I'm either working on something or thinking about something I have to work on.

I wish I could just take a scissor and cut it all off and put a band aid on it. I'm sure someone out there knows what I'm talking about.

It's very frustrating and it makes me ashamed of the bod that I'm otherwise proud of.

the final flab

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 00:47:51 -0500

I wish I could just take a scissor and cut it all off and put a band aid on it. I'm sure someone out there knows what I'm talking about.

It's very frustrating and it makes me ashamed of the bod that I'm otherwise proud of.

so much fu*king work

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 00:51:18 -0500

ARGH. I'm not one to get stressed about school, but right now is ultimate crunch time. All of my classes seem to have projects or papers due within the next 2 weeks.

CCS 201 - Final of the three 5 page papers. This has to be a social issue relating to a film we watched. Very easy, but a pain. The teacher is pretty ridiculous. This is the first paper she's actually asked for sources for - and she only wants 3! Not hard, just time consuming... I'm thinking perhaps the power and/or morality of advertising/commercialism in perhaps E.T., or maybe homosexuality in Talented Mr Ripley...

HUM 220 - THis class is so annoying. NO ONE goes to the class, b/c it is at night and the professor (even though he's like a grad student) can't teach for shit! It's about slavery, one of those subjects that you've heard enough of throughout all the rest of your schooling! Anywhoo, I actually went tonight (and my lovely girlfriend accompanied me). We have to write a 6 page paper on any topic relating to anything we read in class. Too broad = harder than it should be! But whatever. I think I'll write some BS paper on Heart of Darkness, which i read in highschool. We also have to present our ideas to the class. According to him if we get up in front and speak words we'll get full credit. Easy class, just horribly boring and at a bad time...

CCS 311 - This is the horror class. Our final project is, rather than writing a 10 page paper, to create a website about a horror film in which we analyze it, et cetera. I am doing Brotherhood of the Wolf. Great movie by the way... But anywhoo, it takes time and she's prickish about the sources. Probably the most interesting of the assignments though.

I recently finished my 16 page Telecommunications proposal/report. That's a load off...

I just want this semester to be over...

Two departing thoughts:

I like how you can make your own schedule in college. I think that's really cool. It's like a puzzle too - very interesting to do. I'm excited b/c everything seems to be working out with me graduating in 3 years. I even discovered the 1 credit seminar course! I was actually going to be 1 credit short!

And secondly, I can't stand professors who are obsessed with print sources. They always say "go to the library and get a real book!" Books are dead, especially when it comes to research. It pisses me off so much...

I'll be back at some point. I'll probably post some of the work I do - especially that website.

And one more thing that Jessica showed me. I just took a quiz for this. It's freaky b/c the quiz matched what I felt I was before taking it. Check it out baby!

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Thanksgiving

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 13:36:35 -0500

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good Thanksgiving.

holy canoli batman

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 00:35:55 -0500

I just was on the bike for 400 calories. Quite a workout. Want to get as close as a I can to a flat stomach by Aruba...

I'm kind of stressed about school right now. Got a lot of stuff going on. Have to do that 15 page Telecommunications paper. However, I went to see an example and it can be more of a "technical write up." In fact, she encouraged bulleting, so, I should just stfu and do it! I also am going to have to create a website for a film class, and do 2 5 page papers for 2 other classes. Stressful now, relief later.

I have become quite, quite interested in advertising later, and someone suggested I try to get an advertising internship. So, I e-mailed two agencies that are near me - one neaer my house, the other down the block from my job. Hopefully one of them will be able to give me an internship. Looking at their websites got me excited!

Anyone know anything about advertising? Any future life suggestions?

next semester

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 02:55:21 -0500

I am trying to plan out my schedule for next semester. As of now, I could be looking at 6 classes and an internship. That could give me 18 upper division credits. Could it be too much? I usually do 5 classes a semester, but I can shove an upper division one in one of my annoying breaks - makes sense. And I think I can handle the work.

Everything seems to be coming together. If all goes as planned I only need 2 or 3 more classes in the fall semester for my major, then I only need to satisfy the credit requirements for graduation and upper division to graduate in the spring. Exciting stuff.

What are your thoughts?

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 20:07:08 -0500

Find more movie reviews at Yamji.com
IMDB: Get more info
Year: 2006
Submitted by: jimbolito

Over the Hedge

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 19:55:48 -0500

Find more movie reviews at Yamji.com
IMDB: Get more info
Year: 2006

Adaptation vs Bad Education

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 00:01:10 -0500

This is the first paper I wrote for CCS 201 this semester. Check it out, maybe you'll find it interesting...

Criticism of Adaptation and Bad Education

A painting is simply a conglomerate of brush strokes put together to create an image. A film is similar. It is many different images assembled into a whole to create a story. The quality and existence of a painting is determined by how the artist compiles the colors and shapes. A film’s quality and existence is the same. It is the result of numerous decisions based on a range of aspects in film making. Hence, the compilation of the smallest right decisions is essential to the creation of a good completed project.

The way in which a film is presented also is a testament to the cultural and social issues of the time when the film is created. A film is meant to appeal to an audience artistically and to generate money. Both Adaptation (2002), directed by Spike Jonze and Bad Education (2004), directed by Pedro Almodovar have interesting techniques of commenting on today’s culture.

Adaptation is the story of a screenwriter, Charlie Kaufman, who is given the task of creating a screenplay from a book entitled The Orchid Thief, by Susan Orlean, a writer from The New Yorker magazine. The book is a retelling of Orlean’s experiences with the infamous orchid thief John Laroche. The story, however, is rather uneventful, lacking all of the common Hollywood excitement, and ends on an anti-climatic note. Kaufman is faced with an immense writer’s block, as well as the fact that his brother, Donald, has just written a successful screenplay. Due to the fact that Donald is not even a professional screenwriter, but just decided to write a script one day and used conventional Hollywood ideology bothers Charlie immensely. In order to get a “final product,” Kaufman ends up creating chunks of fiction to enliven the story of The Orchid Thief.

Bad Education shows us the story of two childhood lovers, Ignacio and Enrique. After being separated at a young age, and Ignacio being molested by a priest, the two find each other later on as aspiring direction and actor. However, we eventually find out that the character of Angel, who we think is Ignacio with a new name, is truly Ignacio’s younger brother Juan. Throughout the web of lies and deceit a story written by Ignacio before he died, entitled “The Visit,” is made into a movie. Eventually, we discover that Ignacio was murdered by none other than Juan and the priest, who has returned through a series of awkward events.

Perhaps the most noticeable similarity between the two films is their extremely unique structure. Both films are frame narratives, with stories occurring within stories. They are layers of plot. Not only are they frames, but the inner plots are actually both screenplays. Hence, the element of fiction versus truth comes into play while viewing those parts of the film. This thought process then extends even further outside of the “scripted” frame, as we question what is occurring in the “reality” of the film. For example, outside of the screenplay for The Orchid Thief, Charlie Kaufman has Donald as a brother. However, at the conclusion of the film we discover that Donald was in fact just a figment of Charlie’s imagination, or perhaps an embodiment of Charlie’s brain. This can be inferred by the fact that we realize at this point that much of the story was in fact fictional, with no borders between the “reality” and the “fiction.” Also, the point at which Charlie stops following the book as it is written exactly can be presumed to be all fiction. This creates a mental puzzle for the audience, as they attempt to figure out what is real and what is not.

The same structural oddity exists in Bad Education. The audience is presented with what seems to be simply a director and an actor initially. However, the plot soon thickens. The director and actor are childhood lovers (as it is still presumed that Angel, the actor, is actually Ignacio rather than Juan), and the story given to Enrique, the director, begins during their childhood. Angel, however, states that the beginning of the story is true, but the adulthood section is fictional. Hence, we are once again thrown into the realm of deciding what is true or false; reality or fiction. Throughout the movie we are ricocheted back and forth between the storylines of Enrique and Angel as director and actor, Enrique, Ignacio, and the priest during their boyhood schooling, and the events surrounding Ignacio’s death and the return of the priest.

These askew narratives greatly effect the presentation of the films. What the audience is used to is a linear story line, with events occurring in logical order. This allows the occurrences to be understood more thoroughly, and we’ve time to process the events to follow why they are occurring. However, when there are multiple stories occurring parallel to each other, we are forced to contemplate all of them at once, and then, on a more advanced level, try to correlate them together without full knowledge of the events which have occurred, but which we have not yet seen. For example, when Enrique states that Angel was his first true love, until we see what actually occurred while they were in school, that statement has very little meaning to us. However, once it is presented that they were lovers in a Catholic school, which caused the expulsion of Enrique, the depth of that knowledge of their relationship is increased exponentially.

With all of these stories we are also faced with the dilemma of point of view. In these films, different story lines are being told by different people. Therefore, the way the events were perceived could be tainted by that character’s bias or position at the time. The fact that Charlie Kaufman creates the final scenes of The Orchid Thief after being enlightened to the fact that there is always action in life means that whatever part of the story he created was going to be somewhat exaggerated and have all that which he felt life didn’t have – action; excitement; love. While it is unclear as to whether or not Charlie Kaufman truly does believe that real life involves these type of events, it is evident that he accepts that a good story needs them.

These unique structures imply several things about our culture. Firstly, because they are out of order, they confuse us and many people find this aggravating. Such a reaction suggests that perhaps our culture places too much emphasis upon logic and logical order. In a day when the business world and its rigid process is taking over much of society, perhaps these films are suggesting that things can be looked at in multiple ways. It is in the artistic nature to combat logical thought and present ideas in new and unique ways.

The fact that both films came out in the early 21^st century is also interesting based upon the fact that both films touch upon issues that are growing in importance in this day and age. In Adaptation we see Charlie is a rather depressed, morbid man who feels that life is not happy and nothing good or exciting ever comes. These notions are becoming more and more commonly accepted, as people become more focused upon business and work, rather than their own emotions. Depression is on a rise. Charlie’s disposition is one seen all too often today. Bad Education presents us with the conflicts of homosexuality and child molestation by clergy. As homosexuality has become more and more accepted around the world, a film with explicit homosexual sexual intercourse and continual homosexual reference is a test for the modern audience. It is a step further on the route of homosexuality becoming completely accepted. And child molestation has, in the past few years, been exposed to be occurring between clergy and children around the world. However, the question is, is our culture ready for such a vivid presentation of it?

The mise-en-scenes, or the parts of the scenes, also add greatly to the film. Much of Adaptation is set in dark colored settings, with very little sunlight, which is reflective of Charlie’s generally poor mood. Personally, I found this to made the film very depressing. In Bad Education, we are conditioned to associate the soprano singing of adolescent males with clergy molestation. This sends a chill down one’s spine when they hear the music. Also, the black clothing of the clergy can represent the hidden evil which they have. This is most evident during the scene in which the clergy and the boys are playing soccer together. The clergy are wearing their thick, black robes, while the boys are wearing innocent, childish clothing. Also, the scenes in which we see the priest, Father Manolo, doing private ceremonies with a single boy scream desolation. It is quite clear that the boy and the priest are alone. Parts of this scene can seem like a direct allusion to the recent church molestation scandal, especially when the boy is disrobing the priest, in what seems to be an almost sexual manner.

These films both challenge modern culture. They touch upon topics including depression, homosexuality, and molestation, and present them in narratives which can be difficult to follow and frustrating for the mind based in a linear world. We are then faced with the challenge of deciding what we should believe, and what we should not. Both films are a test of our ability to be mentally and culturally flexible.

Works Cited

Adaptation. Dir. Spike Jonze. Perf. Nicolas Cage, Meryl Streep, and Chris Cooper. 2002.

Bad Education. Dir. Pedro Almodovar. Perf. Gael Garcia Bernal, Fele Martinez, Daniel Giminez Cacho, and Lluis Homar. 2004.

soundproof poop

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 15:57:51 -0400

If I were running for office, I would run on a single law, and I'm pretty sure I'd get the vote.

All bathrooms, in order to be legal, must be soundproofed. Whether it be soundproof walls or loud, loud music, bathrooms must have plenty of sound pollution. I hate when you go into a public bathroom to pee (which is what they were meant for, other than in the case of an extreme emergency, of which you are allotted two a year) and there's someone taking a dump. And they're never quite. There's always farts associated. Or snap, crackle, popping. And occassinally, you have the groaner, who is still mentally 2 years old and thinks that groaning helps them release the hounds of hell. And what about when you really, really have to let one rip, and you know it's going to be loud, but the bathroom is basically silent, and you know it will echo outside of the bathroom. And you flush a urinal or put on the handdryer, but it always seems to get out right after that noise has stopped.

See, so much stress that could be taken care of easily by a law requiring soundproof areas or loud music.

(By the way, the image is from http://www.smellypoop.com/ . Very educational site, check it out!)

Big ups me for origianal OW.

Aruba Declaration

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 00:37:24 -0400

Well, I am going to Aruba with Jessica and her family

And then...the "how life's going" update

19

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 13:54:08 -0400

Whoa

I'm 19 now. No longer 18. It sounds a lot more ominous.

Next year I'll be 20. Spooky!

I

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 23:59:06 -0400

I
©James A Daulton 2006

I shape myself as a machine
I work myself as a beast

The Prestige

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 00:54:36 -0400

The Prestige is an excellent, exciting brain ride. Despite some iffy chemistry among actors, it's great, and can deffinitely be enjoyed. Just pay attention to the details!

Find more movie reviews at Yamji.com
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Year: 2006

The Weed: Take 2

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 16:52:22 -0400

You guys know I love to embarass myself for Wildvoice! This is a rerecording of my song The Weed. I was home alone, so I took the opportunity to sing it like I imagined. It's flat (but accappella), and at the "flower" part, I scream scream, but for a one take recording, I think it's not too bad. Hopefully this gives you a better idea of how the song is supposed to sound.

The original The Weed

The Weed

I ain’t never been

Too damn sure

If I liked someone else

Or me more

When I lay alone

I get so scared
I get on the phone

To try to get repaired

Noone to save me

And I feel lately
I gotta get good

[My kids are gonna be

Proud of their daddy

Noone’s gonna ask me

Why couldn’t I be

Any better, any better

Than me]

I get kind of mad
At my past
Feeling kind of like life
Kicked me in the ass
Never thought it would be
So damn hard
But I turn around amazed
That I got this far
I can’t get through it

But I do it

Everytime

[My kids are gonna be

Proud of their daddy

Noone’s gonna ask me

Why couldn’t I be

Any better, any better

Than me]

I hated myself
For so long now
I don’t know how I lived like that
But I did it somehow
I prayed to God a few times
Sometimes for hours
I was the weed in life
Held up by the flowers

But now that I see that
I can’t be that

Anymore

[My kids are gonna be

Proud of their daddy

Noone’s gonna ask me

Why couldn’t I be

Any better, any better

Than me]

race verse sex

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 00:37:58 -0400

In a few of my classes, there is a lot of discussion concerning gender roles. One of these discussions has centered itself around the "breaking out of gender role to be true to 'true self'" concept. One of the arguments brought up was why do doctors say it's a boy or girl right away when a baby is born? People suggested that they say "it's brown or blue" based on eye color, or on some other attribute. (Just remembered that all baby's have blue eyes anyway!)

While thinking about this idea, I said to myself "well obviously it's because it is the most obvious difference." Either there's a penis of a vagina. Everything else looks pretty similar. So, I thouht to myself, what idea could actually challenge this "concrete" judgment. I came up with an extremely hypothetical one, which is a bit far fetched, but it makes you think.

Imagine that genetics played no impact on race. Specifically, skin color. So, hypthetically, two white people could have a black child, two black people could have a white child, so on and so on. (I'm limiting this to black and white to keep the concept simple).

So in this situation, what would the doctor say first? "It's a boy" or "It's a girl", or "It's black" or "It's white." And no cheating of "she's black" or "It's a white girl." He can only say one or the other. Let's hear what you think about this...

Answer

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 22:39:30 -0400

The Answer

I could tell you the answer was in the music
But it may go silent
I could tell you the answer was in the movie
But it may go dark
I could tell you the answer was in the picture
But it may fade
I could tell you the answer was in the stars
But it may be cloudy
I could tell you the answer was in the sea
But it may get carried out
I could tell you the answer was in the words
But they may not be spoken
I could tell you the answer was in your mind
But it may be forgotten
I could tell you the answer was in your heart
And that would scare you
But you would find it

Peeling Fingertips

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 23:12:04 -0400

My hands are falling apart and what not

poop in a napkin

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 15:02:16 -0400

Right now I'm in my CCS 101 class, basics of film or whatever. I just got a 101 on the first test, so it's all good. So, I'd like to take this time to explain the story of poop in a napkin.

One day I was sitting with Greg Zimei in the SAC eating. I believe it was the fall semester of last year. We were talking about retarded shit, as all college guys do - or perhaps this is only what my conversations generally consist of haha. Anywhoo, for some reason I think a napkin had something on it. So, from this sprouted the concept of something to the extent of "eww - it's poop on your napkin." I know this seems grand by itself, but the concept didn't stop there.

While looking at the people walking by outside, I imagined something grander. You ever see the wrist rockets. Imagine a semi-large sling shot rigged between two poles, pointed directly into the common walking ground. But, what should we use for ammunition? That's right - poop in a napkin! It was determined that this would be an excellent ammo, considering it would be reasonably simple to handle (minus the gross through-the-napkin texture), but when it hit its target, the explosion would be one similar to a grenade, shattering from its recycled paper confines, and painting the target in poop!

Greg, you might be able to comment on this a little... My story might be missing something.

Perhaps I should go into weapon design...

RIP Jeff

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 03:15:01 -0400

From what I understand, according to away messages and a newsday article, a kid I used to go to school with passed away in a car accident early sunday morning. The kids started finding out about it during homecoming.

I remember the kid, he was a good kid.

What's going on with the world?

singing in the rain

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 17:03:36 -0400

I'm in class right now watching Singin' in the Rain. Ugh. They show us the most boring movies. Actually, yesterday I watched Triumph of the Will (Nazi doumentary) and The Exorcist. I never knew how crazy the Exorcist actaully was. So crude, but so funny. I had my first quiz in my CCS 101 class today. It was pretty easy. I had the professor for my summer film class, so I had an idea how it was going to be. Let's just say I'm a pretty good slacker. ha.

In my Telecommunications class the topic right now is primarily on the "Big Brother" issues of GPS and RFID. How do you guys feel about all of that? I mean - has anyone seen the new Disney phones? Scary...

And does anyone have advice or someone who thinks they'd really be happy at just being a lyricist/songwriter/poet? (But wants to do it w/o being homeless)

Football and Chinese

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 23:23:52 -0400

This is for all you fat guys who don't watch sports.

Gladiator

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 00:25:06 -0400

Well, I am a film major (as of now). So, why not talk about film a little bit. Main emphasis on my favorite movie, Gladiator. But, we throw in Star Wars and a few others...

Lion's Pride and Lover's Lust

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 04:13:06 -0400

Lion's Pride and Lover's Lust
©James A Daulton 2006

Lion's pride and lover's lust
Heart defied by soul's mistrust
Quickened death and quickened rise
This is left by the tears we cry
Diamond statue shines like suns
What has been been through can't be undone
Roots so deep into your chest
Beauty keeps alive in the best
Hearts can worry, can be scared
Hearts needn't hurry for what will always be there
Hearts replied in love we trust
Lion's pride and lover's lust

The Dying Field

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 01:13:44 -0400

The Dying Field
©James A Daulton 2006

Hooves pound
On the ground
As though it were a calling

Swords clang
As blades sang
And the noble ones were falling

Weapon-less
Breath-less
And yet he still keeps crawling

Solid stare
For he was aware
That fate was no longer stalling

40

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 21:47:05 -0400

I've now lost 40 pounds. I'm 210 pounds. That's exciting.

I'm going through some personal issues. Life can be very hard and confusing.

Very confusing.

how to save a life

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 00:39:44 -0400

These are the lyrics fromg the song How To Save A Life by The Fray. They mean something to me right now

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

Future Sex/Love Sounds

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 00:55:51 -0400

Alright, so this is scary, but the title of this post is Justin Timberlake's new ablum name. What is scary is not those words, but the fact that this album is actually ... good. It seems like an oxymoron - falcetto singing kid from boyband comes out with good music. I don't know what he actually writes on it (I have a feeling Timbaland makes most of the stuff), but more than half the songs are pretty good. And some of the lyrics are actually deep. Props to Justin.

And on that note - do you guys like Matchbox Twenty? I've been listening to them lately (on my mp3 player in my car) and I am remembering just how good they were/are. Rob Thomas I believe writes much of the lyrics, but they're just incredible. I can definitely relate to most of them. How about you guys?

secret

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 00:23:27 -0400

If someone knows the secret to life can they please tell me.

Thanks.

class

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 14:33:18 -0400

I'm in class right now. CCS 101. The intro to film course. Lots of people here. All these primary film classes pretty much teach the same stuff. But that's okay.

Yesterday in my 201 class we were discussing culture a lot. They said that my major (which isn't really "Film", but "Cinema and Cultural Studies") applies to Public Relations. I have been kind of sceptical about it, but with the conversation on Culture we had, I can understand a bit more. It was a conversation on society and what we value and how you fit in. One of these dudes wrote something like when you understand culture you can place yourself in society. I suppose the biggest part of public relations is knowing the culture of wherever you're trying to promote your product/business.

Ehh, I feel a little sick, like I'm going to puke. I'm actually using my computer to write notes. Wow.

screenplay

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 02:21:56 -0400

I need to write a screenplay. Or a few of them. I think I'd be good at it.

idiot

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 21:19:46 -0400

I'm listening to George Bush make his speech right now. He is saying the same thing he always says. Nothing. But please, stand with me on this stand of nothing. Retard.

Today was my first Monday of class. 4 hour break between classes. Sucks. Atleast my class on Africa and slavery is a BS class. If you heard the dude who taught it you'd laugh. This guy in his mid 20s who is not yet a professor, who sounds like he came from Oxford. Pretty funny.

These first days of class are always odd. It takes time to get used to the schedule, and then to figure out what's important and not.

Ha - Bush calls it the struggle of our century.

And then these guys critique what he's said. Does Tim Russert (if that's his name) really have that bad of a hair piece??

The world's a sick place these days.

All you need is love.

nineeleven

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 02:43:44 -0400

Today is the 5th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.
Today is my mother's birthday
Today is Monday

What's really bugging me is I download songs using Shareaza (great program for "naughty" downloading). Then I use the WMP Converter to convert the mp3 files to WMAs. But for some reason the WMP 11 Beta is really weird with tracking the files in their folders. It will find them and then lose them several times. Pretty aggravating. Anyway, right now I'm listening to a playlist consisting of Blue October's "Hate Me", Breaking Benjamin's "Sooner or Later," "So Cold," "Diary of Jane," and "Firefly," as well as Hinder's "Lips of an angel." Good stuff.

The song Hate Me reminds me of Steve and Barry's, the college clothing store. One night I went there with Jessica and Nicole (at the Broadway Mall in Hicksville if anyone knows the place). I think we had just bought my Futon from IKEA, or we were just about to. Anyway, the video for the song was on their station there. Sometimes I have those vivid kind of memories.

I really love Jessica. She's like the moon in the night sky. There are so many things to look at, but you can't take your eyes off of the moon. I am proud to be her boyfriend. She is incredible. I'd fight a crusade in her name.

I tell God how good she is. All the time. Some of the few times I pray.

Happy Birthday mom

your mom wishes she had this many posts

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 02:21:07 -0400

Jesus dude - Hinder is fucking excellent. If you listen to "pop" radio at all, you've probably heard their song Lips of an Angel. What an excellent song. He's got the perfect lead singer voice. That's what I would want my songs sung by. That kind of voice.

I got myself some noise cancelling headphones. Cheap earbud ones. They don't work too badly, but my biggest complain is that they have the battery ampy thingy right in the middle of the headphones, and it's horrible b/c it just hangs. I need to get some kind of belt hook for it. But it's very interesting b/c right now I have my TV on and I can't hear it. I'm typing, and I can't hear it. Excellent.

Do you guys actually like my songs? Or do they suck? I have 100 pages of material I've written. Song, poems, raps, et cetera. Whenever I typed them up I just put them in a big word file. It takes like 10 seconds to load. Cool stuff. Maybe one day that will make me rich.

I can write pretty quickly. Try me. Request a poem or song about something. I remember one time at the beginning of highschool this girl on the bus would always talk about this situation she was having with some dude, and she was like "it would be cool if you could write a song about it." So, when I got off the bus I wrote the song and sent it to her right after she got off the bus, within about 5 minutes. I suppose it's a talent. I don't know.

Writing raps was always fun. I have this friend, Apollo, who is a phenomenal rapper. I can't touch him in real life freestyling, but online we used to have rap battles. I'd offer him good competition if I say so myself. Rap is such an outlet. So silly, and rhyming comes easily enough to me, so it's just like continual verbal attacks. Kind of a rush when you get something good in your head. It's a good thing I can type fast, because I used to hear it in my head and need to get it down right away.

I remember when I first started writing songs. They'd come to me at the most random times. Generally in the bathroom. I'd be shitting or showering, and all of a sudden I was singing a song in my head and then I'd go "hey - that's not a real song". That's how the majority of them would start. I wish I had a voice more like the guy from Hinder. I'd kill it (as they'd always say in rap).

I'm curious how these headphones work. Because when I hum I hear a huge echo. Kind of weird.

Evanescence is another great band. Back in the day they were great (back in the day for me being about 2 or 3 years ago). And now, they've a new song. They're just good. I just wish Amy (I believe is her name) would do far more drawn out suspended vocals. She doesn't do enough of them. Any band can do the music. It's the vocals that make them. (If you like Evanescence, check out Lacuna Coil).

Often times when I'm driving I'll go into adolescent fantasy mode if a good song comes on. Generally a good rock song, or even a hip-hop song. I don't know, most songs. I imagine myself immensely built and what not in a wifebeater, I'd say similar to how Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson looked in Walking Tall I believe. Anyway, in rhythm with the song I'd be weilding a sawwed off shotgun and just wasting baddies.

The best daydreams are the extreme masculine ones. I once read a study that said the majority of male dreams were either sexual or involving them saving their family and/or loved ones from something. I've always been enthralled with "the snap". The point when the brain stops working and the body takes over. It's something that "isn't supposed to happen," but we've all experienced it. Anyway, I often have daydreams of that. In my opinion, that is the ultimate rush. Think Neo in The Matrix. The point at which he reaches his epiphany and simply says "no" as the bullets stop before him. That sense of sudden control based upon instant recognition of the flaws of the bounds. I love that. I'm obsessed with it. The slowing down of time. That sense of empowerment and control. Songs give that to me in a way.

I always had an idea for a film actually. It's a little far fetched, and if it were actually made it would probably make the general 20 million, but I always found it interesting. The military takes inmates from a high security prison that were arrested for like going crazy. Big, brutish guys who have temper issues. Anyway, they train them to be able to release their adrenaline (in some way, whether through conditioning or some kind of procedure). Anyway, in my head I always saw one scene of the movie. One of these dudes (who would of course go from being the bad guy to the protagonist ala Sean Connery in The Rock), would be getting attacked by someone. However, the key is they're unable to allow themselves to "freak out". So, in some way in this scenario they've a bat in their hand, held backwards (with the head of the bat facing front and the large, tube of the bat facing behind them). Long story short, someone allows them to freak out, and they simply whip the bat into the guys head, killing him in a single blow after being aggravated by them. That sense of power is awesome. I'm not suggesting people do that, but it'd make for one hell of an action movie.

I always had these ideas for music videos too. Best example: System of a Down's song Chop Suey. The one where they're screaming "father, why have you forsaken me in my dreams..." To me, I always saw a samurai scene. The final line of the climax is "trust in my self righteous suicide." At that point I imagined a samurai thrusting their suicide sword into themselves.

Anyway, I've plenty on my mind.

Oh yeah, and in other news, I've finally lost 2 more pounds after like a 2 week plateau. Dr. Phil said that shit happened in his book, and also I was taking a vacation from exercising. but anyway, now I'm down to 214, and have lost 36 pounds. I want to look like an abercrombie model. And why not? I'm only 18, nearly 19. I'm supposed to be extremely fuckable.

Later wagwans.

(P.S. - an incredible song just came on Launch.com. It is Driven Under by Seether. Check it out, you'll see...)

what am I in college for

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 22:51:21 -0400

What am I in college for?

I spend my days there sitting around with a bunch of people talking. It's retarded. I feel like I'm wasting my time. There's less interactivity than highschool because no one knows each other. Also, everyone acts retarded and doesn't answer their hand - no one seems to want to be there. And the stuff you learn just seems ridiculous. Right now I'm a film major, and we spend classes picking apart movies. I find myself saying "I'm paying money to sit here and listen to ridiculously far fetched theories and arguments."

I mean, some of this shit is ridiculous. There's a real theory called the Queer Theory. The point of it is to take any movie and analyze it in a way that would make the main characters homosexuals. I have nothing against homosexuality, but what is the point of this? They do it to movies that are so blatantly uber-masculine. I just find it ridiculous. Why does there always have to be a hidden meaning.

And also, I really don't understand why all film scholars hate Hollywood. Hollywood makes great movies. The point of a film is to effect. I'm often greatly effected by Hollywood films.

College seems so snobby. It's as though they have to be condescending toward general public thought. "If everyone thinks it, it has to be wrong." There always needs to some elite theory or fact behind everything. Always has to be more than meets the eye. I think it's all very far fetched.

Why can't we just enjoy movies?

Do we really come out of college as better, more educated people? Or did we just learn what the smaller percentage believes, which makes us "smarter."

I find it all very frustrating and confusing. And all I can think about is how I'm going to be coming out making shit money doing shit entry-level jobs.

competitive BS

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 21:25:46 -0400

myself ranting about the flaws of society, et cetera, et cetera...

yucky

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 23:04:22 -0400

I just listened to my song recording from last night. It sounds like shit. But I won't take it down

I've got balls

In another note, syllabuses from 3 of my 5 classes (which begin tomorrow) are online now. So far I've three 5 page papers, a 15-20 minute presentation, and a 15 page paper. I'm a bit stressed.

Atleast I saved $100 dollars on text books (Geico style)

The Weed

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 01:50:17 -0400

So, it's been a while since I put audio up on the site, so I'm punishing myself with humility. This is a song I wrote last month. Unfortunately, I've come to terms with the fact that I can't actually write music that I'm happy with for my voice. So, the result is generally me singing constantly flat and making believe I sound differently than I do. This is actually meant to sound much harder. I imagined being sung by a Chad Kroeger kind of voice (the guy from Nickelback). I sound like the mix between a wanna be popstar and johnny cash. ha. But, this is primarily just to present a song I've written with a vague idea of how it sounded in my head. Generally, when I write songs I hear them in my head and then write them down. So, just a way to get into my "process". I apologize for the ear damage, but imagine a band like Shinedown singing it or something.

The Weed

I ain’t never been

Too damn sure

If I liked someone else

Or me more

When I lay alone

I get so scared
I get on the phone

To try to get repaired

Noone to save me

And I feel lately
I gotta get good

[My kids are gonna be

Proud of their daddy

Noone’s gonna ask me

Why couldn’t I be

Any better, any better

Than me]

I get kind of mad
At my past
Feeling kind of like life
Kicked me in the ass
Never thought it would be
So damn hard
But I turn around amazed
That I got this far
I can’t get through it

But I do it

Everytime

[My kids are gonna be

Proud of their daddy

Noone’s gonna ask me

Why couldn’t I be

Any better, any better

Than me]

I hated myself
For so long now
I don’t know how I lived like that
But I did it somehow
I prayed to God a few times
Sometimes for hours
I was the weed in life
Held up by the flowers

But now that I see that
I can’t be that

Anymore

[My kids are gonna be

Proud of their daddy

Noone’s gonna ask me

Why couldn’t I be

Any better, any better

Than me]

the dodge caliber

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 01:44:16 -0400

I just lost this post. I said I want a Dodge Caliber. But I don't have money. And my car will probably last forever. Hopefully, I'll have money to buy a nice car when my car dies.

life as a house

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 00:50:38 -0400

Life as a house is a very good movie. All should see it

Much of it deals with George's (Kevin Klien's) hatred of his own father.

There is a running concept that he had several chances to kill his father when he was younger, and it would have saved the lives of others.

His son asks him why he couldn't do it.

Geoge says "because I loved him too much"

isn't that fucked up but so true?

UPDATE:

I found this site www.imsdb.com. Actually, a kid in class mentioned it. Awesome. It has the scripts for a bunch of movies. Anyway, this is the real dialog:

GEORGE
                      I was just thinking about my mom. She
                      wouldn't leave him. I remember one time
                      she made us dinner wearing sunglasses. I
                      mean it was dark outside and in. But we
                      never talked about it.

                                SAM
                      Sun glasses?

                                GEORGE
                      To hide a black eye.

                                SAM
                      Why wouldn't she leave?

                                GEORGE
                      I think she was terrified of living with
                      him...but maybe even more terrified of
                      life without him.

                                SAM
                      I would have killed him.

                                GEORGE
                      Everything would have been better if you
                      had. You'd have liked your grandmother.
                      And there'd be a girl out there that'd
                      have her mother. I remember reading
                      about her in the paper. They couldn't
                      find her father and her mother was dead.
                      I still feel guilty about that.

                                SAM
                      Do you ever wish you had done it?

            George thinks about that for a second.

                                GEORGE
                      I loved him too much.

                                SAM
                      After everything he did to you and your
                      mom?

                                GEORGE
                      After everything.

here

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 09:56:06 -0400

I'm at work right now. Luckily they didn't send me out on the field, which means I can do what I gotta do and then leave. Maybe I'll go to the beach with Jess if it gets nice or something. I really, really, really think I've grown out of this job. It pays well though, and I most of my issues with it are all in my head. I think soon it will be time to move on, but internships don't pay...

I've become much better at ping pong by the way. I never thought that game could be so fun.

I also kind of don't want school to start. But whatever. I'll be there at night 3 days a week. I'll probably work in the morning 3 or 4 days a week. I'm just not looking forward to it.

I suppose in the end everything just works out.

I love you baby

blister

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 02:11:43 -0400

Right now there's an old, dried blister on the palm of my hand, directly below my middle finger on my right hand. Either it is from flipping the bird too many times, or golfing. You figure it out. It is very hard, and is half off. I find it interesting.

Tonight Jessica and I spent much time playing the new Hitman game on 360. It is impossible. I don't know how one could even try to play it without a walkthrough. I don't think there's a way...

And by the way, I love Jessica.

32

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 17:54:05 -0400

I'm up to 32 pounds. It feels good. 218. Only 28 pounds from 190. Good stuff.

ricky martin

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 14:36:34 -0400

Livin la vida loca is on MTV Hits right now. I have subtitles on and the words are different than I thought. This song is old now, but I remember when it was new. Isn't it weird how time flies?

27

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 21:02:31 -0400

I've now lost 27 pounds. I have not had the time (and honestly energy) to work out as strenuously as I had been. However, I have found something very interesting. My new eating habits have allowed me to continue losing weight at nearly the same pace as I have been while exercising more. Perhaps my metabolsim has risen. Or, more likely, I'm just not supplying the fat the calories it needs to maintain itself. Either way, it feels good knowing that I'm starving the parts of my body that I don't want. Almost like slowly defeating a nemesis. Kind of like when bullets are flying at Neo and he says "no," and suddenly the world around him shifts. It's a whole new game of not being controlled by food, which is incredible. So this is how most of you live, eh?

The other day Jessica and I went through my clothes, of which I always seem to have too many of (for my tastes atleast). I have kept many "summer" shirts in a pile, basically untouched. Last time I touched them (a few months ago) I couldn't fit into most of them, and was too discouraged to try to many on. However, now I am wearing them every single day, and eyeing my mediums, from the the 195 days. 195 seems even closer from 223 than it does from 225. It feels good to not feel like I'm failing.

Also, yesterday I tried tubing for the first time in my life. And also, swimming in water above my head, outside of a pool. It feels good to escape the sheltered childhood I have led. While very minor, small things, these are actually steps in my life as an individual person - a better person.

sometimes

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 02:05:32 -0400

Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time at school and what not. All for this intangible happy future. What if the future doesn't exist? Am I the only one who is scared of the current state of affairs of the world? It all makes me nauseous.

I used to feel like I could change the world. But now I try to fight the world from changing me. It''s made me so morbid. I was always in such a rush to join the adults. Now I find they all have their heads up their asses. Being a kid was nice.

I believe, that love will find a way...

(Keep in mind, I'm not a freaky anarchist. I don't want to stand around protesting. I'm not even some kind of Bush hater. I'm just a freaked out young man, watching the weight of the world buckle on itself.)